How Good Are You?

We know we’re sinners and need a Savior.
But after that, aren’t we pretty good?
After all, we haven't killed anyone—at least recently.
Sometimes we get to thinking like we're pretty good, at least when we compare ourselves with ourselves (which we aren’t supposed to do, for a very good reason).
Not that we don’t struggle with stuff, but you know....

Recently, I had a check on how I was progressing to be “like Jesus.”
God gives us those glimpses of our “real” self, and His love—for—us—as—sinners.

As most of you know, we’ve adopted our last son. 
He was our niece’s, who was in and out of prison.
We had delayed the adoption, thinking she might decide to be his mom.
Finally we moved toward adoption.
At the completion of the process, we were awarded birth certificates with Joey and my names as the only parents.
The former certificates were sealed away, not to be re-opened.
If you’ve been reading my articles over the years, you’ve read how we struggled with his obedience and well, everything, more than any other son, largely because of the drugs prior to and after his birth.

This same niece had two girls prior to our son, who were raised by Joey’s parents.
Their story was also wrought with trials and struggles, especially when Joey’s dad developed dementia then died, leaving Joey’s mom, their great-grandma, to raise them through their turbulent teen years and now beyond.
Then, our niece had two more boys—now three and eight years old.
One has underdone multiple surgeries for his cleft palette, more are expected.
Who's raising them? 
Joey's mom.

After visiting for a weekend, Joey wanted to adopt them.
I knew what that meant. I didn’t have energy. Didn't I already struggle with the one we had?
It was during this time, God was showing me I must depend upon Him for His strength, not on mine.
We prayed a lot about the decision.
Finally I consented.

When we told our boys, they were concerned and called a family counsel to advise us against it.
They didn’t have to remind me, I still lived it daily with our last son.
But I also knew if God was calling, then I must do it.
My condition for God was that Joey's Mom must be ready and willing.
With much prayer, we asked Joey’s Mom.
She was not.
I cannot tell you how relieved I was.
Did we not hear God right?
I think it was to test whether I was willing.
Like Abraham had to offer up his son, to submit to God's directions.
God stopped him before the physical act was finished.

In the meantime, we still struggled to bring our son to maturity.
When he was small, the motto, “Underwear goes on first” was heard  every morning  when he dressed, even when he was five.
Learning his letters and their sounds, instead of taking one year, took three. 
Discipline was constant. 
Consistency was demanded. 
Routine was essential.

We tried counseling.
He took a regiment of supplements to bring his body to optimum functioning.
After a year, all cash pay, with no change in obedience, but rather fighting over taking the supplements, in addition to everything else, we called it quits on the supplements.

Every day I struggle with anger over his lack of following rules, his deceit, his lack of progress or something that happens.
I often thought any pregnant mom who does drugs should be charged with manslaughter—because they have killed any chance for their child to live a normal life.
No amount of love now can change what they don’t have during a crucial time of development.

A family we knew decided to adopt one of these drug babies. 
When that child reached her teenage years, that mom wearied of her lies and disobedience.
That child now lives with one of their daughters.
And the mom has received counseling to live with the destruction that child brought.

I understand those feelings. I live those feelings. Daily.
Every day I stress over getting him up, moving toward school, then keeping him gainfully employed.
Before his permit, he told me how I should drive. (Most of it was wrong.)
When he was asked if everything was clear so I could switch lanes, without looking, he’d say, “Sure.” 
He asked to get his driver’s permit.
I would not even drive with him. (unlike all the other boys who spent most of their time behind the wheel, running errands with me).
I could not trust him. And I wouldn’t run the risk.

Each interaction brought tension, not always between us, but inside of me.
He talked repeatedly of “helping” friends in California.
I finally asked them if they really wanted his help.
They consented.
We sent him for the summer to work for them.
Of course, with many preliminary notes and warnings.

This summer I’m not angry every single day, my gut isn’t in turmoil trying to figure out what this request of his really means (because they all had underlying plans that I couldn’t even imagine.)

This past year, Joey and I prayed earnestly for something that would enable me to feel better.
I’ve been treated for adrenal fatigue for many years. 
The doctor had dismissed me, partly because of the distance, but the treatment had brought me some energy. 
We found another doctor who specializes with adrenal fatigue patients. 
He addressed the stress and how to minimize it, while dealing with the destruction done to the body.
I’ve felt progress.

But the summer is ending, and my son must return home.
He already has plans on how things will be different. 
I, too, have plans, big changes.
I do not look forward to it.
Joey believes he’s matured.
I can’t even hope.
I can’t even dream of being a good parent. 
What kind of parent is that?

How good are you?
Not very. If at all. No, not good at all.

To add to that feeling of inadequacy, we received news his “real” mom was out of prison and doing well.
I told Joey, "I didn’t even want to hear about her."
When we visited Joey's mom, she was helping her two boys at Joey’s mom’s house.
She had changed.
She had been saved.

How good would you be?
I should rejoice, but still held anger over all the destruction she had caused—that I still worked with—daily.
I am supposed to be the mature Christian who loves like God.
Being a “mature” Christian, only showed me I could never get there.

I realize AGAIN my goodness doesn’t come from me—it must come from God.
God's timing is so right.
She is helping her children at a time when Joey's Mom can't.
God is so good.

How good are you?
These things, on a daily basis, remind me that I am not good.
Any goodness must come from God, even after being saved.

I feel like the Apostle Paul, O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Romans 7:24-25.

It all must be from Him.
Philippians 2:13 For it is God Who is at work in you, both to desire and to work for His good pleasure.
I must depend upon Him, to not only do what's right, but will to do what's right. 
There's no goodness in me.
But He is good.
And in His goodness, He helps me to be conformed to His image.

And that drives me again to my knees before the cross in gratitude and dependence on Him.

I write about what matters...to you---
women, wives and moms---
about your family, faith and future.
I write about what's hard, what helps and what heals.
I show you how it's done. And not done.
I hold your hand as you find what matters to the Savior.
And let go of those things that mattered to you, but not to Him.
I write about what matters...to Him.
               Sonya Contreras

Faith
Find more articles about faith here:
The Need for Meaning Even in Pain
Reminders of What's Important
God's Unmeasurable Love
A Quarter of a Century Spent for Our Country
What Were You Thinking?
Who Are You Watching?
Boundaries for a Better Life
God's Boundaries
Memories of a Hero Mom
The Ripple Effect
How Do We Think Like Jesus
Litany of a Waiting Woman
Ever Cook a Frog?
New Year's Reminders
They Galled Her Gammy
When God Speaks
A Russian Christmas Story
Be Thankful
Be Grateful
Are You Tired of the Same, Old Thing?
  (reprint)
Laughter—Why Laugh?
Mom
Are You Disturbed?
Unity of the Brothers
Encouragements To Declutter
Do You Have Too Much Stuff?
Too Much Stress
Getting Past the Noise—The Value of Silence
Are You Scatterbrained?
How Good Are You?
Looking for Something Good To Read?
A Cup of Cold Water
I Will Trust When I Cannot See
Encouragement—What Is It?
Being in God's Presence
"Einstein and the Professor"
When God Is Silent
Do You Crave Beauty?
Using Stories to Discipline
The Danger of the Wrong Story
Using Stories to Teach Lessons
God is in charge of the future
November Dare Joy Challenge
Ungratefulness
Developing an Attitude of Gratitude
Looking for Jesus
What Do Your Prayers Reflect?
Life's Little Pleasures
Daniel—Greatly Loved by God
Take Every Thought
Jars of Clay
What Do Your Words Reveal about Your Heart?
How Do You Get Strong Faith?
Too Busy for God's Word?
How Do You Think Like Jesus?
Reflections from a Mom
Pain—What's It Good For?
Why Marry?
Consider the Robin
One Life Who Made a Difference
What Day Are You Living In?
Interrupted by God
Is Jesus Really the Answer to Everything?
Are You Beat Up?
What's Your Hurry?
Are You a Manipulator?
Are You Salty?
Are You Condemned?
Trying to Understand?
Do You Expect Answers to Your Prayers?
Do You Eat Your Stress?
Need Focus?
Going through Trouble?
Immanuel—God with Us
Looking for a Relationship?
When God Says, "No!"
What Do You Do with Left-Overs?
How Great Is Your God?
Are You Needy?
How Do You See Sin?
What Do Your Words Mean?
Is Evil Overwhelming You?
Those Aha Moments
Is Your Soul Happy?
Are You Ignored?
Looking for the God Moment
Do You Know Truth from Almost Truth?
I Believe in Jesus—What Now?
Do You Have Your "Son"-Glasses On?
Less Is More
Singing His Praise
Are You Trying To Do It All?
What Do You Do with All These Prayer Requests?
Have a Problem?
Do You Know How to Pray?
Looking for God in Every Moment
Are You Receptive to God's Blessings?
Tell the Senate: Mothers Aren't Birthing People
Is Your Life Complicated?
How Do We Fight Evil?
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Giving Up or Taking Away
the Bible is simple
Are You a Dripping Faucet?
What's Your Testimony?
The Final Move
Be Careful What You Wish For!
Are Your Prayers Answered?
I Choose Joy
What Have You Learned from Your Hardship?
Who Are You Trying to Change?
What's Your Five-Year Plan?
The Danger of "Aloneness"
My Colors
Are You a Whiner?
Are Your Works Approved?
Do You Think You're Stressed?
Is Your Soul Feeling Ragged?
God Speaks to the Heart of the King
What about the Details?
Have You Felt the Long-Suffering of God?
How Does God Lead You?
Do You Have Enough?
Don't Carry More than You Need
Cast the Seed
God Is Faithful
Are You Deceived?
Are You Essential?
Are You Safe?
Are You Tired of the Same Old Thing?
Does the World Make Sense?
Have You Seen God's Majesty?
Do You Feel Judged?
If You Only Had One More Day To Live
Are You Understood?
Do You Long for the Word of God?
Slow Down and Smell the Dead Leaves
Are You Hospitable?
Our Heritage Is Bought by Blood
Are You Disturbed?
Are You Depressed?
I Did It My Way
Finding the Simple Life with Meaning
The Simple Life
Do You Have the Right Words?
Did Your Dream Die?
On the Other Side of the Fence
Marijuana, Mental Illness, and Violence
Confessions of a Desperate Mom
Saving for Tomorrow
A Wedding Remembered
Who Will Stand in the Gap?
Are You a Protector or a Ruler?
Who Are You?
Are You an Image Bearer or a Wad of Cells?
Are You a Watchman?
Where Do You Find Meaning?
The Lamb of God as Told by a Scribe
What Love Is This?
Remember: The Symbols of Passover Explained
Tea and Rest
Do You Have Peace?
What Makes a Marriage Work?
When Life Is Awful
Are You Strong Enough?
Rules
Seasons
Be Faithful through Suffering
Do You Know the Word?
Wake Up! Strengthen What Remains
Are You Spit in God's Mouth?
Is Jezebel in Your Midst?
Do You Stand Against Satan Himself?
Are You Tired of Being a Mom?
What in the World Is Happening?
It's Not My Story
How Would Your Faith Compare?
Are You Sinking?
Are You a Rule Follower?
Useful for Him
An Intimate Moment with Mary
The Worldview that Makes the
   Underclass
Thoughts to Ponder
What Does It Take To Know the
    Heart of God?
See the Story in the Stars
Do the Scriptures Burn You?
Being in His Presence
Contentment: It's Not for the Timid
How Secure Are You?
How Do You Respond To Stupid People?
The Earthworm Is My Hero
Heart Issues or Issues of the Heart
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
More faith articles are found here:

under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Or here:

under the Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Articles on Suffering can be found  here, 

under Table of Contents. Also available in book form.
Special Days
Remember: The Symbols of 
   Passover Explained    
Aug 12, 2017 The Heavens Declare the Glory of God
July 4th, Freedom
What Is an American Soldier?
Valentine's Day: A Day of Love?
Memorial Day-A Day To Remember
Veterans' Day-To Honor Our Men
Fall Colors
First Thanksgiving Day
    Proclamation
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs
Christmas: Stories behind the Songs, part 2